Oompa-dee-doo-doo

Last 10 days remarkably free of drama. Do feel compelled to report that I have caught a bad flu, spent a day in bed with a 102° fever. Terrible sinus pain has forced me to give up cigarettes, which I typically use a laxative, so I have therefore not pooed in 4 days. Stomach has balloned to gargantuan proportions, nose is red from blowing, face is red from pushing, and as a result I now look like an Oompa Loompa.