Oompa-dee-doo-doo

Last 10 days remarkably free of drama. Do feel compelled to report that I have caught a bad flu, spent a day in bed with a 102° fever. Terrible sinus pain has forced me to give up cigarettes, which I typically use a laxative, so I have therefore not pooed in 4 days. Stomach has balloned to gargantuan proportions, nose is red from blowing, face is red from pushing, and as a result I now look like an Oompa Loompa.

Can't Bear It. But Can Relate To It.

Panda inconsolable after crushing newborn twin

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060908/sc_nm/china_panda_dc_4

Healing the heel

Went outside to smoke a cigarette, while standing nearly completely still, somehow managed to snap heel off of left foot of my very high heeled shoes. It's a few hours to first opening of the season. No time to go home and swap shoes. McGuyver-ed it with Krazy Glue. Will spend rest of day walking on tiptoes prompting gallery visitors to wonder if floor is very hot.

Ouch

Thus begins your peek into the life of a girl who seems to encounter more than her fair share of little ouches and ouch inducing incidents.

Please see below for a recap of the Oii's (ouch inducing incidents...pronounced 'oys') I have suffered this week:

-Burned my finger cooking. Scalded off fingerprint portion of middle right finger. Spent afternoon speculating how this will affect the ability to identify my corpse should I be violently killed and all that remains is fingerprint portion of middle right finger.

-Popped a pimple on my upper lip the day before cousin's wedding. Forced to attend cocktail reception with mound of beige cover-up resembling snot, fused to my upper lip.

-Walking briskly with head turned back over shoulder to converse with my boss, walked directly into large pillar in center of gallery. Moderate physical pain, but credibility gravely wounded.

-Close friend had scooter accident necessitating emergency surgery on his left leg. His kneecap is smashed to bits. He will be in ortho rehab for at least 3 months. While visiting him in hospital he complimented me on the lovely shape of my ass. Am feeling cheered that at least his spirit is intact.